Beginning My Story

 I've begun a blog because, well, something has happened. Something I am not pleased about. My mother came to me today to discuss...marriage. Yes, marriage! I'm thirteen! I am well aware that girls my age are married and pregnant, but our family is well off, and we don't need to marry for money or security. I don't think she understands how much I really DON'T want to get married. You see, I had a friend. Katherine. We were so close. Last year she was married off to some duke. I haven't seen her since, and from her letters, I can tell she is miserable though she tries to hide it. I'm not holding out some fantasy for true love, a knight on a horse like those stories my nurse used to tell me. But I certainly don't want to end up like Katherine, taken away to live with some stranger, pregnant with his child. I certainly don't want to be my mother either. Of course I can't tell my own mother that, it would be out of the question. So instead I write. 

This man that she wants me to marry, his name is Paris. They say he's perfect. Well then, let him be perfect for some other maiden, because I don't want him. A flower? They call him a flower! Well, I don't care. He can be crushed under my heel easily like flowers are. Of course, I must again be quiet and do the best I can to please my mother. I will try to get along, and maybe even love him. After all, judging someone before you meet them isn't at all fair. Even though I'm already mad at him for wanting to marry me. I don't care about all there would be to gain from this match; I care more about having my freedom. Oh, how I wish I could just go to my mother and tell her all of this. But I always get so tongue-tied around her, and my words come out wrong if I speak in anger or frustration. I have to remain calm, but her utter apathy when I raise my tone annoys me! 

However, I am cooling from this subject. I am mad at my mother, yes, but there is a joy coming into my life. A party! A wonderful party is being held tonight! I am to wear my violet gown with the yellow embroidery. It is new, just recently bought. Of course, it was probably bought to impress Paris, but that fact is easy to ignore as the dress is just lovely and it lets me move as well, so I shall not be hindered in my dancing! I should be there already, but there was a hold up in the kitchen, and mother doesn't want me to enter without her to seek out the Count Paris, (I'm sure she thinks I'll mess it up somehow) so, while she sorts out the dilemma, I write this in secret. However, I am sure she will be returning soon, and I am so eager to join the party anyway. I shall write again tonight, to tell of my impression of Paris, and how the party went.